advice for newlyweds #4: a guest post by Poekitten

I'm a little late posting today, due to the whole trying to plan a wedding and pack my entire life into boxes thing.  But the good AWESOME news is that Mike changed his flight to Saturday so I get to see him in THREE DAYS!  So that leaves me two days to pack, Friday is my bachelorette party (I'll try to post some edited photos for your enjoyment), and then Saturday night I pick him up at the airport.  So yeah, slightly busy!

Which is why I'm so thankful to all the ladies who have helped me out by guest posting (which I'm still encouraging, by the way!).  Today we have some great advice from Poekitten at Many Waters.  Enjoy!    

Poe & The Man

Hi, I'm Poekitten and I blog at Many Waters.  When Alana put a call out for advice for newlyweds, I decided to help her out.  The Man & I have been married for two years.  I know two years isn't that long and we still have a lot to learn...that's part of the fun!  There are two things I have learned in the past two years that have helped our marriage: Commitment & Communication.


Commitment


This one kinda seems like a no brainer.  After all, on your wedding day you stand before your friends and family (usually...I know some of you were married by a JOP with very few people in attendance!) and promise to love, honor, cherish, etc...for the rest of your life.  OK, maybe you didn't promise for the rest of your life, but I did.  I promised my man that I would be by his side for the rest of our lives...no matter what happens.  That's a vow I take very seriously.  When we were talking about getting married, we also talked about divorce.  We decided that it is not an option for us.  In two years of marriage we have faced some challenges:  buying a house,  living on a very tight budget and learning that The Man is an alcoholic (thankfully he's been sober for 6 months.  Go baby!)


Dealing with the alcoholism has been difficult.  It plunged us into a deep pit of the unknown, left me feeling feeling like I had control over nothing and forced me to rely on God in new ways.  Through it all though, I was there for my husband.  Leaving him never once entered my mind.  It entered others and he was told that we would most likely end up divorced.  We were (and are) adamant that our marriage would remain intact.  It wasn't easy but it was well worth the effort.  There were arguments and some trust was lost but we are working through it.  We are coming out stronger than when we began.  We believe our marriage is worth fighting for.  We remain committed to each other as we practice forgiveness and strive to strengthen our marriage.  My advice:  take your marriage seriously and work on issues as they crop up.  Sticking your head in the sand and ignoring them will not help; letting them fester will only make them harder to deal with.


Communication.


I'm blessed by the fact that my man listens to me.  I do my best to listen to him.  We like to share our days with each other.  We vent to each other as well.  Some of my favorite parts of the day are cuddling and talking.  Talking about everything and nothing.  We talk about big things and little things.


Communication plays a huge part in staying connected with your spouse.  You spent hours and hours talking when you were dating...it doesn't end now that you're married.  Continue to talk and share and dream with your spouse.  Ask your spouse how their day was and share about yours.  Talk about those issues that pop up in your marriage.  If something is getting on your nerves, tell your other half in a loving manner that doesn't attack them.  Focus on the issue at hand and don't bring up the past.  Fight fair...don't withhold sex.




My advice:  Share openly and honestly, without threatening or giving ultimatums.  Don't forget to dream together, set goals and work towards them together!   


I wish all the best for Alana & her fiance as they get married!  I hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy every moment.

Do you have any advice for her?